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the con

did it not matter at all these 5 years?
did it mean nothing to you knowing me?
am i just the same as all the others:
drunken flirtations without substance?
just breasts & bum,
hit & run?
with no need for kindnesses.

how could i have gotten this so wrong?
awkward this, my musings, trying to make sense of things:
was it all lies?
the sentiments false?
the interest a sham?

am i that foolish?
could've sworn there was a connection,
if the friendship was fake?
why draw it out for so long?

awkward now...
not the silence,
nor the indifference;
but that i have to un-know you,
not say hello & how are u;
avoid u when u are around.

did this not matter at all?

Bravo, you played me like a true salesman, selling falsehood like you were getting paid.

Sandy trembled as she wrote this down.
Reading it, and re-reading the words, wanting her pain to be obvious, her seething anger to spill over onto the blank white sheet so innocent at first, now covered in regret.
She regretted him...
That he got to see the side of her she reserved for love.
That he got to see her, with her guard down, open, trusting.
That he got to see the longing in her, for him, and he took what she offered under the guise of affection.

He wore down her defenses.
Sold her on the idea of them.
Kept her hooked with promises & possibilities.

How was she to recognise love now if it came her way?
When deception could so easily mimic adoration?
When her judgement was battered & impaired?

Sandy shivered, wrapping her jersey tightly around her frame, a cold feeling overwhelming her. Her heart astounded at the depth of her pain, her mind challenged by questions for which there never would be satisfactory answers.
She took the paper, crumpled it into a tiny ball and tossed it into the rubbish bin where it belonged.

He didn't deserve to know her pain.
He didn't deserve her truth.
He didn't deserve her, period.

Did it matter?
Yes, it did.
To her, it matter greatly.
Her affections were genuine, she gave herself completely, and she craved him with sheer abandonment.

Did it matter?

She might've been the crazy one for believing it did, but he was the foolish one for walking away from a brave, genuine heart.

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